Thursday, October 16

Life in Kooksville

Here at Jazzycat we often document the people who leave Sanitytown and move to Kooksville. It is an alarming thing to watch this process unfold in the United States on a daily basis. Having never visited Kooksville, I became curious as to how people there went about their daily lives. Therefore, a couple months back I commissioned my old friend, Lefty Leaner, formerly of WLIE-TV and Agenda Weekly Magazine to infiltrate Kooksville and bring back an in depth report on the life styles and daily life in the ever growing city of Kooksville. While Lefty agreed with the world-view that is imposed on all who live in Kooksville, he consented because the financial deal I offered him exceeded his standard of personal ethics. In short, financial gain trumped his ethical concerns and he agreed to spy on his liberal brethren. A like-minded spy was necessary because the residents of Kooksville become extremely intolerant of anyone who does not share their world-view. Therefore, the PC police are trained to spot even the slightest lack of conformity to the accepted standards of post-modern dogma. One innocent comment like mentioning how the glaciers have expanded in Alaska, or how nuclear power might possibly be a solution to America’s energy problem is enough to land one into eco sensitivity training school. These schools require incarceration until accepted behavioral standards are met and certified by eco-friendly groups like Green Peace and Earth First. It is a great risk for someone who is not on board with liberal activist lunacy to go there. That is why someone of Lefty’s character and world-view is required to perform the mission without detection. He looks and acts like a community activist organizer and in fact had been a community organizer with ACORN in his college days.

The following is the report that Lefty brought back from his journey to Kooksville:

Entry into Kooksville is on Pro Choice Avenue which leads to a town square in the center of town where a huge statue of Charles Darwin is located in the center of the park. All the businesses around the town square have names that end with the word commune such as The Kooksville Hardware Commune. Many activist organizations such as Code Pink, PETA, NOW, ACORN, ACLU, Green Peace, Amnesty International, Save our Planet, Earth First, Rainforest Action Network, and many more have their offices on the town square. Everything in Kooksville is painted green except for a few signs by Code Pink the anti-war organization. By edict from the town council, all churches must be located on Pluralism Drive and agree that all spiritual views are equally valid and true. Tolerance in Kooksville has a new enhanced meaning. Not only must all spiritual views be allowed to peacefully exist, they must be acknowledged to be equally true with all other spiritual views. Tolerance of all views is required as long as these views fall under the umbrella of the primary post-modern secular world-view. In short, all views must pass the Kooksville politically correct test. If any view is deemed to fail this test, then it is automatically brought before a board composed of one member of each organization located on the town square. Any view that is not approved by this board, is labeled as hate speech and banned from Kooksville. Thus for politically incorrect views the only view tolerated is intolerance. This means Kooksville only extends tolerance to approved views and embraces intolerance of all others.

In the residential sections of Kooksville, solar panels and windmills are required for the generation of electricity and waterless toilets are required to protect the environment. The only exception is that toilets may use water if all the fluids are recycled and reused. Grass and shrubs are allowed as long as nothing is used that would leave a carbon footprint. This includes any carbon foot print generated by shipping which effectively limits grass and shrub purchases from local sources only. Vehicles in Kooksville must get 80 miles per gallon of gas and the carbon foot print must be offset by buying carbon credits. These vehicles are basically golf carts that are totally enclosed with reinforced aluminum foil. Since airbags would cause the aluminum foil exteriors to explode, they are not used in these vehicles. The only house in town that does not have an Obama yard sign is for sale by Save the Rain Forest Reality Company. The previous owners became so depressed about the plight of polar bears and snail darters that they were committed to the Al Gore Asylum for the mentally ill located on Global Warming Boulevard. For the extreme delusional patients, the asylum has a conspiracy wing where every room is numbered 9/11 and has a picture of George Bush and Dick Cheney. Ward Churchill of the Univ. of Colorado comes by to visit these patients on a regular basis. In Kooksville the ratio of the mentally ill to physically ill is 10 to 1. It is estimated by the local planning board that the Al Gore Asylum will have to be tripled in size should Obama lose the election.

Commercial activity in Kooksville is tightly regulated and nothing is allowed that may in its production or usage contribute to global warming, destruction of the ozone layer, or restrict the life, freedom, and access of any animal species. In Kooksville, animal life has been elevated to equal human life and in many cases animal life is given more protection than human life. This is best illustrated by the fact that human abortion is completely unrestricted while animal eggs are protected from harm. Needless to say Kooksville residents must be vegetarians by law. The two major industries in town are publishing and art products. The Bill Ayers Publishing Company, which publishes Marxist, anti-American, and anti-capitalist books is located at corner of Propaganda Lane and Terrorist Way. The Ralph Nader College is also located on Propaganda Avenue between Brainwash Street and Communist Avenue. The Michael Moore Center for film documentaries is located at the exact center of the college. In elementary school reading, writing, and arithmetic is deemphasized in favor of liberal activism and singing the Obama is going to change it Hollywood produced classic.

The most popular activity in Kooksville is to hike and jog to the top of Deceived Mountain and look down into the neighboring city of Sanitytown. From this vantage point residents can easily observe and criticize the activities and life styles of the conservatives that live in Sanitytown. From this hill one can grieve and lament the excesses and actions of people who do not seem to have any concern for global warming, the ozone layer, the rain forest, the spotted owl, or saving the planet. In spite of the inevitable and predictable outcome of self-loathing, a Kooksville nut may be able to get a whiff of the aroma of steaks grilling on the grills of Sanitytown conservatives and for just a brief moment imagine they were residents of Sanitytown with no more blame America first guilt.


Filed by:
Lefty Leaner
Agenda Weekly Magazine

9 comments:

mark pierson said...

That was very clever!

I enjoyed that!

Gayla said...

Funny, Wayne! I'm rather fearful, though, that Kooksville is ever-expanding into Kooksnation.

jazzycat said...

Mark,
Thanks. Unfortunately it is based on the truth of te secular post-modern world-view.

jazzycat said...

gayla,
Good to hear from you. You are so right and I am worried about it. It will not be good for liberty or religious freedom if we must conform to the postmodern world-view! Make no mistake the tolerance they talk about is only in one direction.
wayne

JD Longmire said...

Hey, Wayne - trying to do a transition for the Brandon Pres website to brandonpes.org - can you send me via email the brandonpres.com login information?

jadelongmire at gmail dot com

much thanks and blessings to you!

-jd

Gayla said...

Wayne, I'm trying to get back to blogging more regularly. Come visit me. :) I've posted a few new things, including my testimony.

Rose~ said...

Jazzy,
That *is* very clever! Kind of like a political version of Pligrim's Progress.

jazzycat said...

Rose,
Thanks. I love to use humor to make points... Kooksville is a lot like the Celestial City isn't it.

Penless Thoughts said...

Thank God for Sanitytown!!!
Susan