Monday, November 12

War on Global Warming

Yes, Jazzycat Farms is now green, carbon neutral, and on board with saving the planet from global warming. In order to “make a difference” we at Jazzycat Farms will began in early 2008 a series of Jazzycat Green Seminars to educate concerned citizens that are motivated to changing their lifestyles to an environmentally approved way of living. Jazzycat Farms is already actively selling carbon credits (indulgences) to elite environmentally aware liberals, and providing therapy and classes at the The Jazzycat Institute for Guilt Free Mental Health.

We are expanding to actually teach less affluent activists and citizens, who cannot afford to buy the carbon credits, how they can significantly reduce their carbon foot print. During the three day seminar you will be able to camp in your own tent. No fuel or electricity will be used for lights, heating, cooling, cooking, or any other use. Solar energy, along with hand cranked generators will be used to heat and cook your vegetarian meals. After this four day seminar, you will leave with pride in knowing that you have indeed become more educated in the GREEN techniques that are required for this WAR ON GLOBAL WARMING. The cost for this seminar is $500, which includes your vegetarian meals and space for your tent. A 10% discount will be given to everyone who arrives in hybrid vehicles and a 20% discount will be given to all who arrive on a bicycle or walking.


1) Orientation and watch the Al Gore movie: The electricity for the movie will be generated by a hand cranked generator. All participants will be asked to take turns turning the hand crank.
2) Tent raising: All guests will work together as a community to put up their tents.
3) Bath Rooms and baths: Composting toilets will be used. With plenty of oak leaves on property, no paper will be allowed and water will be brought in pails from the Jazzycat Farms pond.
4) When darkness comes the activities will cease since no electricity or lights will be allowed.

1) Meditation and yoga exercise.
2) Seminar 1: How to conserve, reuse, and recycle paper products. Patching paper bags, reusing signs used for activists demonstrations. For example: When you and your organization demonstrate against, George Bush, the death penalty, and for abortion rights, do not throw your cardboard sign away. Use eco-friendly reusable stick on letters and reuse your sign. Think of the CO2 that will be saved from entering the atmosphere if only liberal activists would adopt this one simple technique.
3) Lunch: Organic foods only. Eco-friendly organic foods are foods that have not harmed the environment with any chemicals for growing or for pesticides.
4) Seminar 2: Certified green building techniques. How to build underground homes, how to build homes with hay bales, and how to build homes with hay bales and clay will be discussed.

1) Diversity celebration. A short message to extol the virtues of diversity and refute the myth of unity! Ward Churchill will deliver this inspirational message.
2) Seminar 3: Green political goals. Government control and regulation = GOOD. Individual freedom = BAD. The war on global warming must have government control and regulation. US sovereignty must be ceded to the United Nations to fight global warming.
3) Lunch: Vegetarian baloney with green persimmon juice.
4) Seminar 4: How to effectively use propaganda, manipulation, misinformation and brain washing to bring about political change. Presented by special guest Dan Rather with brief message from Bobby Kennedy, Jr.

1) Disassemble tents, secure compost toilets, hug your favorite trees and report to open air pavilion.
2) Checklist training on how to intimidate, coerce, and harass anyone who does not profess belief in the theory that global warming is very serious and caused by human activity.
3) Checklist training on how to discredit and bring about the firing of anyone who does not respond to #2 above.
4) Final briefing on how to build the “consensus” even more by using steps 2 and 3 in your local cities.

Remember that capitalism, and individual freedom is a deterrent to fighting the WAR ON GLOBAL WARMING!


mark pierson said...

"secure compost toilets"... Didn't you know that a liberal's diet is so balanced that toilets aren't necessary?

You're amazing! :-)

jazzycat said...

That's right, I forgot. There are some tree huggers living in trees at Berekley as we speak. While I wouldn't recommend it, there are some folks in my state who would be able to coax them out of those trees if you know what I mean.....

Activism is celebrated in this country, as long as it is on behalf of PC left-wing kooky causes. I don't think Christians would be tolerated very long climbing up in trees to protest their grievances.

mark pierson said...

Would a whole liberal fit into a compost toilet?

I know, I shouldn't have asked that, but...

Craver Vii said...

Your post brought a tear to my eye. By the way, I promptly recycled that tear, and laid it at the root of my favorite tree.

I'm so glad for this camp and that you have become a champion of the cause. For my part, I have stopped signing personal letters by saying "warmly." Every little bit helps.

jazzycat said...

What a beautiful thought!

Craver vii,
Don't forget with enough tears we can recycle them into usable water!

jazzycat said...

From April 28, 1975 issue of Newsweek :

The Cooling World
By Peter Gwynne
28 April 1975
There are ominous signs that the Earth’s weather patterns have begun to change dramatically and that these changes may portend a drastic decline in food production — with serious political implications for just about every nation on Earth. The drop in food output could begin quite soon, perhaps only 10 years from now. The regions destined to feel its impact are the great wheat-producing lands of Canada and the U.S.S.R. in the North, along with a number of marginally self-sufficient tropical areas — parts of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Indochina and Indonesia — where the growing season is dependent upon the rains brought by the monsoon..........

During the same time, the average temperature around the equator has risen by a fraction of a degree — a fraction that in some areas can mean drought and desolation. Last April, in the most devastating outbreak of tornadoes ever recorded, 148 twisters killed more than 300 people and caused half a billion dollars’ worth of damage in 13 U.S. states.

To scientists, these seemingly disparate incidents represent the advance signs of fundamental changes in the world’s weather. Meteorologists disagree about the cause and extent of the trend, as well as over its specific impact on local weather conditions. But they are almost unanimous in the view that the trend will reduce agricultural productivity for the rest of the century. If the climatic change is as profound as some of the pessimists fear, the resulting famines could be catastrophic.

Marcian said...


Can I lead Day Two's Seminar 2?

4) Seminar 2: Certified green building techniques. How to build underground homes, how to build homes with hay bales, and how to build homes with hay bales and clay will be discussed.

This stuff is actually quite fascinating. I have accumulated several books on the subject. Not out of some global scare, but out of a fascination with the reality of how God made heating and cooling naturally work. Underground homes, earth bermed homes, and green roof systems (I'll provide handouts for these) lower energy bill$, as do using certain colours and timing the thermal heat gain/loss through windows (which works pretty well in Texas winters).

Personally, I find it a challenge to see how comfortable I can keep my apartment, AND how low I can keep my electric bill each month.

As an added bonus, I'll even talk about tornado proofing that underground home, yeah?

Marcian said...

Oh, and if we have time, we'll discuss how to best meet LEED requirements for Green Buildings, as published by the US Green Building Council. I bet none of your participants know that just by providing preferred parking (similar to handicap spaces) to electric/hybrid cars, their building will get a point...

So easy, so liberal, so pointless...

jazzycat said...

I don't think I could help but think of the big bad wolf and three little pig stories if I built a house with hay bales.

The US Green Building Council????? Preferred parking for hybrid/electric cars???? They give points????

I think the intimidation and manipulation used to encourage/force compliance is very scary and that is why they rate buildings and give points. This has been a hallmark of the politically correct movement from the beginning. It has been all about forcing people to conform to the standards and world-view that secular post-modern liberals have determined is proper. For example: If your organization does not build green friendly buildings, we are going to do business elsewhere. It is already happening and it will not stop until everyone either conforms are pretends to conform to this world-view and belief system.

We must tolerate Ward Churchill, but Ann Coulter must be silenced is another example of this mind-set. Selective tolerance is very much in play with these loons.....

Marcian said...

Hay bales and three little pigs... that made me laugh. One tornado, and that thing will be GONE. Forget hurricanes. Maybe we could reinforce the clay? But manufacturing the rebar may leave a larger carbon footprint than allowed.

I admit, the liberals have taken all the fun out of using the forces and elements the Lord set into motion at the beginning in order to make our living spaces comfortable. Kinda makes me want to take my trombe walls and wind towers and go play somewhere else.

Jonathan Moorhead said...

Ha - very funny!
Isn't Day One #1 pretty common in Mississippi though?

jazzycat said...

I guess it will kinda show my age, but I remember not having any electricity at my grandmother's house when I was a child. They had a wood stove for cooking and no indoor plumbing. This meant they had an out house. I remember being kinda depressed on those overnight visits with no lights. However, my grandmother had a really green lifestyle that would have made Al Gore proud. I only wish he would be forced to adopt such a lifestyle to show us by example!

jazzycat said...

Hang in there with courage. Your generation is going to be called on to affirm the truth on many fronts. I will be praying that you will be a leader in defending the faith.