The Jazzycat Institute for Guilt Free Mental Health is proud to announce the formation of the Jazzycat Institute for Advanced Governmental Resources Allocation. We are calling our new Institute JIAGRA for short. JIAGRA is the brain child of the liberal leaning partners of the Jazzycat Institute for Guilt Free Mental Health. Go to Best of Jazzycat in the right sidebar and click on Jazzycat Carbon Credits for more information on this mental health think tank.
After intensive study, the liberal partners determined that mental health was only part of what the whole person needed to cope in this post-modern secular culture. What good is mental health if a person does not have physical well-being as well? JIAGRA is the result of inspiration received when presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s idea for free health insurance and $5000.00 for every child born in the United States became news. JIAGRA simply took the Clinton idea to the next level. Thus, JIAGRA sought to devise ways that work, responsibility, effort, and the boring burdens of having to provide for oneself could be removed in our lifetime for the loyal activist special interest groups that have, for decades, faithfully petitioned for ever increasing government aid. We think good mental health would result from government provided benefits such as food, shelter, health care, personal transportation, and spending money and that the time has come when this brave new world can be implemented. Although the abilities and efforts of our citizens cannot be made equal, we can certainly insure that their outcomes can be equalized. After all, slothfulness should not sentence a person to a life of reduced prosperity.
JIAGRA’s ultimate goal is to make every day like a day at Disney World for every citizen. While many of the troublesome details have not been worked out, the following is the basic plan that has been inspired by the Clinton democratic party philosophy of a government that cares:
(1) One hundred thousand dollars for every child born in America.
(2) Children will become eligible to decide in the second grade whether or not they want to pursue a career in the work force or simply retire to a guarantee of all of the benefits previously mentioned.
Note: The second grade was chosen because of the following statement by John Edwards in a Democrat debate: “I don’t want to make that decision on behalf of my children,” he said. “I want my children to be able to make that decision on behalf of themselves, and I want them to be exposed to all the information, even in — did you say second grade?” While not talking about early retirement, the concept of 2nd graders making their own decisions was firmly established by this comment.
(3) Second graders that opt for retirement will only have to participate in the school activities of their choosing and no performance judgments such as grades will be allowed during their school career. While they will be free to come and go as they please during academic classes, they will be required to attend government approved films and assembly programs to enhance their socialization and multi-culture sensitivity.
(4) Second graders who choose to pursue selfish goals of achievement through learning will be allowed to take English, math, history, and science courses rather than music, film appreciation, conflict resolution, and tolerance appreciation. These ambitious and motivated students will someday serve the state by providing the necessary services in the fields of engineering, business, medicine, science, etc. However, the state will have to monitor these people very carefully because they have historically had many undesirable traits. History has shown them to be greedy, tax evading, goal setting, highly focused people that are intolerant of diversity and judgmental of alternative unproductive life styles. Their efforts are necessary for the state, but they must not be allowed to think that their hard work and productivity merits them any greater rewards or worth than those that choose retirement in the second grade.
How will this innovative plan be paid for? Creative taxation and requests for assistance from the U.N. will be the key to providing the funding for this bold new plan that insures fairness for all. Indeed this new plan has brought so much excitement to liberals everywhere that JIAGRA has named it the “super duper great society.”
WARNING: If you have high blood pressure, take heart medication and listen to Rush Limbaugh, please refrain from reading the fine print of this JIAGRA plan.